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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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So, I keep hustling. I hit up the local pub, The Happy Pear, and chat with the owner, Tom. He’s a legend. He’s like, “I’ll donate some drinks for the fair.” I’m thinking, “This is gonna be a party!” But then, I remember the last time I had too many drinks at his pub. Let’s just say, I woke up with a headache and a mystery bruise.

3 consecutive league wins for Senior A ladies